Tonight I was reminded how short our time on earth is....yes some of us live 80-90 years, but in God's perspective it is short. You don't know just how long you have. Yes this post is a little more spiritual less humorous and more thought provoking. I do have a serious side after all. One lady in our bible study is being evaluated for cancer and you could see genuine fear in her eyes. She knows the Lord so I don't think her fear is of dying yet somehow the fear was still there. Then another lady told about her 80 year old grandmother and how very close she was to dying and how hard it was for her to find joy today. This is a lady who spends an hour every day in God's word yet she too was struggling. Then her husband was talking about his father's resentment toward God because he had a heart attack at a young age and never smoked or drank....Good health is not a gaurentee that you don't or won't get sick.
I personally hate going to the doctor. I have been having dreams though...dreams that rotate between my husband and I sick or dying. They are quite depressing I admit. I do not enjoy the dreams at all. I have dreams that I have a heart attack and simply fall over at work. Maybe the dream is supposed to be telling me that I need a plan for my children or that my stress level is too high. It could mean that I need to drag my butt to the doctor to get a physical despite my utter dread of needles and doctors and pill taking. I never die in my dream but I am in the hospital and that is why I think it is a sign for me to pay attention to my choices and make better ones.
The husband dying dreams are unfortunately more frequent. I know I have fears of being alone. I know I have concerns with his well being that aren't addressed so that is probably the root of them. I doubt they are prophetic but how do I know this. The dreams are never exactly the same but I wake up feeling the same. I feel horrible actually. I do not wish death upon even my enemy (well I don't actually have any known enemies but still...) why am I having these dreams. Maybe the doctor that I might have to see will prescribe me a sleeping pill that will help me with this, since sleep is becoming more of a rarity and a luxury. I really hate taking pills they make gag, but it has gotten to that point of the lesser of two evils.
I am going to go hug my kids now and then watch a movie with my husband. I don't know how long I will be on this earth but I do know I have my name written in God's Book of life!! Amen to that. I just will continue to pray that the dreams, fear and worries that I struggle with will disappear so that my days here will be more enjoyable.
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