I have always had a competitive spirit. I do not like being 3rd and I hate being 2nd. 2nd is worse than 3rd because now I have a personal vendetta against the person who is first. Not placing at all always irritated me so much that I pushed myself to do better the next time. In high school I ran with the guys at cross country and track, initially that was part of my strategy to become a better runner. In time I became "one of the guys". Competition makes me a better person if I keep myself in check. Pushing little children aside to be first in a class room race is not going to win me any points. Today at church there was a challenge posed to the kids and of course I wanted to win. The spoiled little child deep inside me was saying "me me me". The challenge was who ever can win the race against a 6 foot tall leader got to have 5 points for their team. I did win, but since the challenge was for the children no points were awarded to the fabulous me or my team. All that I got was a shortness of breath and pain that I will regret tomorrow. I am not a 16 year old cross country runner anymore that is for sure.
Part of the same spirit that wants to win all the time also does not like to ask for help. I know you are supposed to humble yourself and be willing to be helped, but that is easier said than done. I want to be independent. I want to do it on my own. I can do a man's job, I am one of the guys after all. I was raised with all boys. I am also getting better at receiving help, but I still hate to admit that I am weak and that I do need help sometimes.
I also don't take criticism well. This has to do with my desire to be first or the best. I know I am not really the best at anything. Please feel free to be my critic as I need the practice. I will sulk in my little corner and no one will get hurt. I am much better at it then I used to be. I guess I put my "big girl panties" on now.
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